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Satire on Cheerleading sample essay

When the word “cheerleader” comes to mind, many think of skinny blondes shouting “go team” while waving pom-poms in the air in short and skimpy shorts. Well, its true. All cheerleaders are meant to do is help get the fans more into the basketball and football game. So, what’s the purpose of these dumb blondes? Absolutely nothing. To make it onto this squad you need only a few credentials: you must be close to failing (actually failing will get you kicked off by the administration), dye your hair blonde, wear your skirt half way up your ass, and have a positive eating disorder (any to make you skinny). With these few qualifications, your chances for being a part of this team are great. So, why doesn’t everyone start failing and throwing up their food? Being a cheerleading is an instant access key to popularity. I mean, who doesn’t like cheerleaders? Their easy to get into bed with, their stupid so you can walk all over them, and they have good bodies because they don’t eat.

Think again. Cheerleading has evolved over the years from an extra-curricular activity with the purpose of motivating spectators to an intense, competitive activity. Not only is it extremely demanding physically, but also time consuming, requiring the exact coordination of twenty or more girls. These girls cannot have eating disorders or be stupid, because they must memorize a full routine count by count. Why exactly is there a stereotype for cheerleading anyways? My freshman year, three years ago, the cheerleading squad won the award for having the highest percentage of honor students out of the entire fall sports participants. This shows that cheerleaders are actually quite the intellectuals. On my cheerleading squad, only 3 people out of 18 have dyed blonde hair, and I can only thing of one slut (shh). Lastly, cheerleaders wear their skirts short to allow them to be at the peak of their flexibility. With longer skirts many cheerleaders wouldn’t be able to pull their leg up and around their heads.

By definition, a “sport” is a “physical activity that is governed by a set of rules or customs and often engaged in competitively.” It is the last part of the definition “engaged in competitively” that makes considering Cheerleading a sport difficult. Unlike many other sports, in cheerleading you only get one chance to be on top. There are no timeouts, no ties, and no rematches. In order to advance from leagues to regionals to states and to nationals, you have to keep increasing your scores significantly. So, the next time you thing of the word “cheerleader”, do not thing of skinny blondes in a skimpy skirt but as well-respected athletes who train hard to advance in their own competitions.

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